Sandman, Be Kind

My hands shake with latent anxiety.
My heart thuds away, afraid that it's
the last time she'll ever really beat again.
My stomach has rejected sustenance,
or cannot bear the idea of having too much to purge because
this whole situation is making me sick with nerves.
I have no idea what I will say,
I fear what I may hear but I'm ready...
no I'm not.
I'm afraid to close my eyes because you might be there again.
I'm literally trembling.
But part of me hopes

I hide you in my heart

because you are my secret

I love you in my mind

that’s the safest place to keep it.

You are a part of me

I’m so afraid to lose

Friend, lover, one or the other

I don’t want to choose.

When hope is tired

Who will hold my hand?

When hope is near expired,

on what then will my joy stand?

When I can’t fall any further and my cries have lost their fervour

I want you to be there

to mop them dry and bring me back before I go any further.

When I’m alone  in a crowded room,

my eyes, my heart search that crowd for you.

Come to the close of this very book,

all my words contained for those who may look.

I want to hide my shame, my pain, my self

but if I did who would I have,

who would I love,

who would I help?

I Want to Be

I want to be the one you love.

I want to be the one.

For you to truly love me,

and not some mystic dream

But you to truly know me and not just how I seem.

Oh darlin’, just how sure are you that another will not awake

some hidden inner passion and one day take my place?

I want to be the one you love

I want to be the one

Not just some girl you flatter and leave wilted in the sun.

To You Who Will Love Me Forever

To the man who will love me always…

I see shadows quite often out of the corner of my eye.

I jump, am scared, get startled by these shadows I won’t deny.

I see half-truths and hidden secrets in the lengthy silences

I worry, I fret, get threatened by ghost alliances

With other women and things you might need  more than me…

After, that is, God and precious family.

Despite all this and the many words unspoken

After mistrust is washed away and doubts are broken,

                if you promise to love me. Say, with all your heart.

I. Will. Trust. You.

if you say that you love me

and I’m lucky to believe it

I’ll believe that you do love me

and say that I receive it.

Placing a kiss upon my skin,

the beginning of a beautiful song.

Like the first note upon the music sheet,

when maestros compose a beautiful melody,

played night long.

Plaintive sighs escape my lips

speaking like a violin’s cries, rising like a guitar’s riffs

Strumming the plains and lines of the expanse of flesh before your eyes

As the pianist obeys the flow of notes on the treble and bass lines.

We come together

the crescendo of an orchestra

blending effortlessly

the way the instruments do

I become a part of you.

And now you’re written on my skin,

forever a song on my heart

Every note and line begins,

that sweet melody that makes my soul start

If I had the words,

I’d write until my hand bleeds

But they come and they go

and I often just write when it grieves me.

I’m not preacher

But there are things that I can teach ya

But only if you’re going to listen…

Everyone who hears the Gospel and turns away

has no idea what they’re missin’

Spirit-Spoken Word

My poems come so quickly coz I’m gifted

With the burden of these words that I’ve lived in.

And wish it was my God that I was liftin’

But more often than not I am weak…

And I give in.

To the pressure of this world and all that doesn’t matter.

Give me a gust of the Holy Spirit

And these useless thoughts to scatter

For I know that they’re worthless

and I pretend that they’re worth it

to hide the fact that in the Kingdom I’m worthless

Not because I’m dirty or the fact I’m so unclean

But because I live for my flesh… and not the Father’s glory

There’s no way I can justify myself before His holy throne

bue even He knows how remorseful I am the moment I’m alone.

I should fall to my knees and beg,

“Father please, I know that I’m guilty”

And I know right then he’d take my hand,

and make me feel less filthy

because only Jesus can.

Only Jesus can cleanse me with His blood

And wrap myself in love

Not in love the way I thought we were

But I perceive much deeper.

Only Jesus can remove the stains-

so that only my- beauty remains

for all the world to see

Crafted by his workmanship

crafted for His glory.

My testimony is twisted

But my life can still be GIFTED

[ G- God’s Love

I- Inpsiring me to be

F- Faith filled

T- Truth seeking

E- Edifying and

D- Disciple making ]

And that’s my present to you:

                The love of God is not mine to give but I share what I know about it.

When you have received Christ and have seen what I see… you too will want to shout it.