I too want something wonderful
like the warmth of his heart
shining in his eyes
and the depth of his love
in those lengthy goodbyes.
An ending that never comes
in the wonders of true love.

What's Changed

You used to ask who I was talking to when it wasn’t you

You once said it would be good if we greeted each other even if we didn’t feel like it

You used to say you had so much love to give and you just wanted someone to give it to

I know you said you were quiet but you didn’t say we would never talk

I know you have a business to run and you have lots of work to do, but am I that insignificant?

I never thought I could be forgotten or ignored by someone who said they love me too much to lose me

You once said you love me too much to let me go

You once said 'Trust has to be earned…' is this how you build it?

You once said we are where I want us to be

You once said that I’m the girl you want to center your world around

You once said I rock your world and that the thought of losing me was a nightmare

You once told me I was perfect for you

In I fell

He consumes my energy in a brief instant…

because truthfully I was fine until I saw him today.

The desire to run away is so great.

The desire to cry is overwhelming.

The despair is indescribable.

Because I am quite sure I don’t matter to him…

as much as I wish it wasn’t so.

The words he wove and draped my very broken soul with were meaningless to him and he has probably traded them for something way easier to handle.

I regret being so complex. I hate being so gullible in a game I lost faith and trust in years ago. But I wanted to believe him. And I wanted to be with the right one this time.

So in I fell and hard I landed.

For the rest of my life

I will remember you

You left me near empty

With no hope to refuel

You cracked at my veneer

Until I showed you all my fears.

You dared me to love

To believe your words and trust

To lay my heart down

Like my throat at the guillotine

Vulnerable to you

As naked as the day I joined the world

Then you decided after wooing and reviewing me.

You chose not to make me that girl

Who completed who you were as you went off to conquer the world

Even after the wounds close and the bruises heal

I will remember you

Your words, those songs, the things you left unsaid

Are a chorus of reminders

Played inside my head.

Sandman, Be Kind

My hands shake with latent anxiety.
My heart thuds away, afraid that it's
the last time she'll ever really beat again.
My stomach has rejected sustenance,
or cannot bear the idea of having too much to purge because
this whole situation is making me sick with nerves.
I have no idea what I will say,
I fear what I may hear but I'm ready...
no I'm not.
I'm afraid to close my eyes because you might be there again.
I'm literally trembling.
But part of me hopes