Cleansing Tears

Cleansing tears wash regret down my face

Where they dry and leave a dark trace

 Of the pain you walked me to the edge of

And left me at to ponder

Oh if only I’d been stronger.

Strong enough to fight for you

Something I wish I’d done but cannot do

Strong enough to endure your struggle

But the silence was so loud my mind was muddled

About what to do and how to help

So my place in your life is now a trophy on a shelf.

A trophy with no names carved like notches on the bedpost

The love I have and long to share isn’t even what I wanted to give you most

You’ll never know the fire’s heat that was meant for you and I

We’ll never rush from passion roar to lovers’ sated sigh.

Cleansing tears wash down face

And hope they can erase

All that you once promised me

Binding my heart, walking free.

For the rest of my life

I will remember you

You left me near empty

With no hope to refuel

You cracked at my veneer

Until I showed you all my fears.

You dared me to love

To believe your words and trust

To lay my heart down

Like my throat at the guillotine

Vulnerable to you

As naked as the day I joined the world

Then you decided after wooing and reviewing me.

You chose not to make me that girl

Who completed who you were as you went off to conquer the world

Even after the wounds close and the bruises heal

I will remember you

Your words, those songs, the things you left unsaid

Are a chorus of reminders

Played inside my head.

Feeling… fatigue, weary and a little bit mind-screwed.

Faith withstands the defeat and keeps my mind moving

I have reasons to live, I have a drive of my own

But I wasn’t designed to be alone.

A broken heart is one that cannot mend.

You simply hope to plant a new seed

and watch it grow again.

You fertilize it with patience and love,

fill it with honour and the Word from above.

Shade it from hatred and the showers of venom.

Protect it from trespassers and all it might run from

like the thief in the night who once left it shattered

Inflated it with bogus dreams and lied that she mattered.

Don’t let that heart grow in the same kind of greenhouse

Don’t let that heart go off alone

where predators choose to roam.

Once you’ve tended it and her treasured worth is found out

Let the one who planted seed remind her just which arms are [her] home.

Sandman, Be Kind

My hands shake with latent anxiety.
My heart thuds away, afraid that it's
the last time she'll ever really beat again.
My stomach has rejected sustenance,
or cannot bear the idea of having too much to purge because
this whole situation is making me sick with nerves.
I have no idea what I will say,
I fear what I may hear but I'm ready...
no I'm not.
I'm afraid to close my eyes because you might be there again.
I'm literally trembling.
But part of me hopes

I hide you in my heart

because you are my secret

I love you in my mind

that’s the safest place to keep it.

You are a part of me

I’m so afraid to lose

Friend, lover, one or the other

I don’t want to choose.

Whispers of Hope

Screaming so silently
Women with broken hearts
And stolen souls
Calling for a white knight
To fill with love the holes...

He came to me, looking like he was supposed to and that meant, things were back to normal... my heart filled with sadness and I let him go before I even said hello.

Good bye sexy one...

I hope you have a great time with the freak of nature’s best game. Maybe you’ll find out that you’re not so much the same

Or that you’d rather be gay

Or maybe that you’d rather have stayed with me anyway.

You told me that you weren’t looking for a relationship and then turn around and pick her so I hope she makes you glad

and that you never wonder about what we never had

And yet on the other hand, I hope that in the woes of passion, you embrace her and pull in her for a kiss and the bar on your tongue

Hooks to the ring on her lip and it burns and stings the way your quick choice stung

I hope to untangle yourselves you rip out the ring, disfiguring the face you chose over mine

And your tongue starts to bleed and maybe she gives you an STD

Because that is the only way I won’t let you come back to me.

What am I saying, that isn’t the only way! But it is a very good reason

That and that you committed relationship treason

And I don’t look back

Not for you, not for anyone.

Goodbye sexy one...

Living in our Babylon

We cannot exist together speaking two different languages

The pastor even said so

We cannot go on living as we do if I cannot understand you

You can’t read the language of my heart

And I can’t read from a distance so far apart.

You don’t hear the words of a scared woman

And I don’t hear, won’t hear the doubts if you don’t open your mouth to speak.

What path have you taken

And can it be mine?

You are all alone there and seem to be fine

And it worries me to notice

The pastor said understanding is a result of speech

So just how much silence will you keep

Before I give in and walk on by?

Before the tears begin to cry

Tell me something, tell me why?

We keep waiting and waiting for more words from me

Although I love you comes easily

Where is the proof that it’s not just words?

Simple to man

Like flying is to birds.

Talk to me now, to keep the peace

Saying anything at all to put me at ease.

14-Sept-09