Heaven’s rain, he called it

If not for the ring, she’d have fallen

Head over heels, right then and there

She prayed he couldn’t see it

When she said she couldn’t believe it

Because what she wanted was that touch

If it showed, she prayed not too much

With tingling skin she longed to begin a whole different journey

Lord, she was yearning for that kiss

Would her life be the same without that bliss?

Taking a deep breath, with the only sanity she had left

She smiled while clasping his hand

Regretting, as she stood up, that she didn’t have that kind of man

Just walk away, she told herself as she did just that

Forget the verbal seduction and don’t you dare look back

You know that’s what he wants from you- to get you in that place

Where one body finds another merging with more passion than grace

That rain would make you shiver

And heavens would hear your cries

If he got where he wanted to be

Right between your thighs

Just close the door behind you girl

It’s only trouble there

Fine he’d make your toes curl

And he’d caress you hair…

And at the table where she left him

Her touch still tingled on his skin

He knew he’d long for her

It was more than just a whim.

My chest can’t hold the waves of pain anymore... they resonate through my breastplate and fingertips and echo into the silence around me... silence around me.

At first I felt flooded and was ready to drown, but I grew gills to adapt to the misery and heartache but the pressure is increasing and I just can’t do this. This fighting. This fighting for myself. So it’s going right through me.

who will not judge me?

No consolation, no comfort

No touch

No love

Only heaps of hot red blame

Blame

Blame

Blame

Oh, Music

Have you ever listened to a song... with one ear vaguely on the lyrics... the noise of the notes and the music is enough to make you want to sigh. And cry.

And then you play back and everything you thought in the first instance is exactly what the song is.

It’s heartbreaking and speaks right into your own heart.

And you want to laugh and smile because music has finally been written for your life, but you want to wail at the same time- or at least let tears slip silently down your face because that’s what’s happening on the inside.

If there was ever hope

Ever love

Ever broken hearts

Ever happiness

Oh music, you have spoken it to me as if you were in my head

The word giddy comes to mind because you excite me in more ways than one. I am so happy in your company and I enjoy the feel of you against me. The light in your eyes when you look at me.

I don’t think you deserve me right now.

I can see where this will lead and I don’t think- in fact I know- that I won’t be the rebound girl, so you’ll find another plaything and the cycle will continue. I must find it in myself to reject you and all your beautiful.

I don’t think I deserve you right now.

I have been presented with knights in shining armour and lords with the wealth of nations,

Surely I don’t believe I deserve an impoverished heart?

It is not about the money, but the state and wealth of your being...

You have spent your last cent in a two-bit relationship whereas I would have brought my plentiful dowry to your feet and offered you all I am and can be.

I don’t think we are in the same world.

But don’t I deserve happiness?

Don’t you deserve it too?

You won’t find it where you are looking...

You’re in the wrong house again my dear.

Looking into the double-storey with the fireplace blazing and yet you are in the shack next door- oh so far but very, very near.

You don’t think you deserve me either.

If I am to be completely honest, this is true.

You seek for moments of hot gratification and hope to hold onto me while you sift through your hormones until all that is left is your heart and its clear message, whatever that may be.

I can see glimpses of the great love you could and can be, but you see me as the long haul kind of girl and therefore relegate me to a sideline post where I can be your cheerleader and medic and pep talker when needed... you’ll always find a reason to need me for a little while before jumping back in the field of action.

And I don’t think I deserve that.

He came to me, looking like he was supposed to and that meant, things were back to normal... my heart filled with sadness and I let him go before I even said hello.

Good bye sexy one...

I hope you have a great time with the freak of nature’s best game. Maybe you’ll find out that you’re not so much the same

Or that you’d rather be gay

Or maybe that you’d rather have stayed with me anyway.

You told me that you weren’t looking for a relationship and then turn around and pick her so I hope she makes you glad

and that you never wonder about what we never had

And yet on the other hand, I hope that in the woes of passion, you embrace her and pull in her for a kiss and the bar on your tongue

Hooks to the ring on her lip and it burns and stings the way your quick choice stung

I hope to untangle yourselves you rip out the ring, disfiguring the face you chose over mine

And your tongue starts to bleed and maybe she gives you an STD

Because that is the only way I won’t let you come back to me.

What am I saying, that isn’t the only way! But it is a very good reason

That and that you committed relationship treason

And I don’t look back

Not for you, not for anyone.

Goodbye sexy one...

If I had the capacity to relay my thoughts verbatim,

You’d see everything that my heart keeps hidden.

I keep thinking and thinking

And with every thought my heart is sinking.

I don’t think I am important enough to you to begin with

Because I’d win, don’t matter if competition is stiff

I would always win.

Hands tied, eyes closed, heart drowned... I would always win.

The essence of having the cake and eating it too

Or having the best of both worlds should never apply in matters of the heart.

True matters anyhow...

I huffed and puffed

I was angry

I smiled and bubbled

Slightly nervous

I weathered the picnic

My time would come

I started to worry

We were falling down again

I saw fleeting hope,

That the turn was for better

I soon fell to tears

It was not to be a fairytale.

23-Oct-09