Cleansing Tears

Cleansing tears wash regret down my face

Where they dry and leave a dark trace

 Of the pain you walked me to the edge of

And left me at to ponder

Oh if only I’d been stronger.

Strong enough to fight for you

Something I wish I’d done but cannot do

Strong enough to endure your struggle

But the silence was so loud my mind was muddled

About what to do and how to help

So my place in your life is now a trophy on a shelf.

A trophy with no names carved like notches on the bedpost

The love I have and long to share isn’t even what I wanted to give you most

You’ll never know the fire’s heat that was meant for you and I

We’ll never rush from passion roar to lovers’ sated sigh.

Cleansing tears wash down face

And hope they can erase

All that you once promised me

Binding my heart, walking free.

He came to me, looking like he was supposed to and that meant, things were back to normal... my heart filled with sadness and I let him go before I even said hello.

Good bye sexy one...

I hope you have a great time with the freak of nature’s best game. Maybe you’ll find out that you’re not so much the same

Or that you’d rather be gay

Or maybe that you’d rather have stayed with me anyway.

You told me that you weren’t looking for a relationship and then turn around and pick her so I hope she makes you glad

and that you never wonder about what we never had

And yet on the other hand, I hope that in the woes of passion, you embrace her and pull in her for a kiss and the bar on your tongue

Hooks to the ring on her lip and it burns and stings the way your quick choice stung

I hope to untangle yourselves you rip out the ring, disfiguring the face you chose over mine

And your tongue starts to bleed and maybe she gives you an STD

Because that is the only way I won’t let you come back to me.

What am I saying, that isn’t the only way! But it is a very good reason

That and that you committed relationship treason

And I don’t look back

Not for you, not for anyone.

Goodbye sexy one...

I huffed and puffed

I was angry

I smiled and bubbled

Slightly nervous

I weathered the picnic

My time would come

I started to worry

We were falling down again

I saw fleeting hope,

That the turn was for better

I soon fell to tears

It was not to be a fairytale.

23-Oct-09

it’s understandable

I was angry and ready for a fight until he called

Then my heart was again ready for flight, I started to fall

I was a nervous wreck by the end of week

Not sure whether to go down fighting or turn the other cheek

The excitement, I’m told, was all over my face

The emotion called love tends to blot out time and space

So when I saw him and smiled like I did

I let myself just bathe in the joy, back to being a kid

And afterwards when it came time to really talk

He took me down the incredibly difficult road he had to walk

The silence was intermittent and full of such pain

One would rather spend a night sleeping in the rain

You can only forgive and you can’t help but cry

That through his pain, he hardly even tried

Left outside The Circle to your own devices

Would you hold strong against all your friends’ advices?

The pieces are still fragile and yet to be mended

But I’m glad we spoke and made peace and no one pretended.

23-Oct-09

21 Questions

You like the idea of my teeth cracking?

Maybe one or two scraping against my flesh as I swallow them involuntarily?

Does it give you pleasure to see my eyes water when your fist withdraws from my face?

Maybe that imprint the force of the impact leaves upon my skin?

Would you get off faster if I screamed louder now, before I hit my threshold for pain?

I mean, your pleasure, would it peak if you knew how much I was in pain from the get go?

You are laughing even though I'm scratching your flesh off and fighting for my life?

Was I insane to think you were the strong and confident type and beat me because you can't express your emotions?

Well of course, but that doesn’t make it ok, does it?

Are you going to let me walk out the door this time?

Will you watch silently this time as I cram all my belongings into the two suitcases you let me call mine?

Rather than grab my things and burn them before you will let me walk away?

will you step aside and let me get in my car and drive away with my bones intact?

I won't have to spend a night in a new ER will I, you'll allow me reprieve this time?

Are you crazy, do you think I want to stay here another night?

You think it's ok to sleep with whomever you please while I sit back and live in lonely misery?

You think I am going to sit and wait for another life threatening encounter tonight?

Do you know how long I have been thinking of releasing myself from your abusive grasp?

You think I won't fight back when it is all about joy and the air I breathe?

I will battle with every last bead of breath you may draw from me, don't you believe it?

Do you like the flowers they chose with your coffin?

better you than me, I say...

‎10-‎Jan-‎10

Just to get the ball rolling, I found something I wrote quite a while back... I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find the exact reason I wrote this piece in my memory banks, but I am not up for that :)

There is no song to accompany this one just yet. If anyone reads this and has one in mind, feel free to comment.

“Untitled”

I’ll cover my ears but not to hear you say goodbye

I’ll cover my face but not for you to see me cry

            I could be a soldier but the plane is too loud

            I could be a woman but have I not vowed

I’ll cover my mouth but not to say the words I must

I’ll cover my heart but not to block the final thrust

            I could be a singer but all I want is to kiss

            I could be a woman but I have dreaded this!

I’ll cover my self, cover my soul but not because of who you are

I’ll cover the pain, uncover the joy that we have come this far

            Who would ever thought it, I’d not have bought it

            That you and I would say farewell, tears in my lids may well

But cover up the sorrow. I must to keep it from attack

Cover up the longing just in case I want my baby back

Cover that soulful throaty groan, turn it into laughter

Cover that old fairy tale of Happy Ever After

written 13/08/06 by KaBabyblu

Thank you for reading.