So in love my eyes hurt

Searching for you everywhere, even in my dreams.

So in love my teeth hurt

Clenching my jaw to avoid crying out your name.

Showing my teeth so that everyone will think

I’m still the same

Not knowing how much I’ve changed

Been changed by you

So in love my heart hurts

So full it’s about to burst

Overflowing and splitting at the seams

And the only place we share it is in my dreams.

Concussed

Shacked, restrained within myself

Longing to do more than is defined by my health

Come morning, the same routine

Can’t jump or dance

Can’t do anything

I am that invisible girl

No one knows who I am

And no one knows what I am capable of.

I show them- I can show them- but no one really sees

Never really sees the value of me.

The true worth of my words

I’m speaking on mute… might as well be, speaking to you.

Any of you.

Slowly erased from conscious living

No longer a useful, conscious being

Because everything I say can fade

There’s nothing noteworthy in the way I behave because it will quickly be erased.

The cacophony around me does nothing for my concussion and

Clearly reminds me that mine is a solo discussion

There I am in that crowded room- hoping of course that I do and don’t bump into you-

Not really expecting much

Content to be the unseen wonder in the room.

My thoughts are loud enough

And yet empty of real substance.

It’s okay for me to sit alone,

I want to be the one in the invisible cloak

Resplendent in myself and yet left to my own devices.

It is in my own company that I have no fears about how to act.

No qualms at all about that

The only time I know what to expect, when it’s only me in my debt.

Same old song, but different verse.

I move through life even though it hurts

Because I am still waiting for you

To deliver the dream you sold me.

The pitch and demonstration were more than temptation

You played a role and sold my soul

Right from beneath my heart.

But now the product is falling apart

The record has run out of space.

Same old song yes, I’m still searching for your face

And for you to take your place,

In my heart,

The place all the best songs start. 

Feeling… fatigue, weary and a little bit mind-screwed.

Faith withstands the defeat and keeps my mind moving

I have reasons to live, I have a drive of my own

But I wasn’t designed to be alone.

To protect my heart

I will let my ego grow…

Who I am will be made more important than what you’ve done.

No one will ever know.

I said, I am more important than what you’ve done;

Replaced my soul with “baby you’re the one”.

Now I’ve crawled out of the hole of your dark lies

And my God has already redeemed with the gift of sacrifice.

So who is this that I Am… the godly in me

Whose boundless love wanted to set you free

Who forgave all those trespasses

to try and make this love last, this

Being who is always here,

to destroy your doubts and ease your fears

The one who gives everything- everything!-

when you’re feeling the least

The battle fighting, passion igniting, faithful, abiding… one.

I Am.

I said, I will make My God greater than what you’ve done.

My ego, the perfection of my identity

The flawlessness that makes me a unique entity

Who I Am is what He sees in me

The greatness of Christ clothing me so perfectly

A broken heart is one that cannot mend.

You simply hope to plant a new seed

and watch it grow again.

You fertilize it with patience and love,

fill it with honour and the Word from above.

Shade it from hatred and the showers of venom.

Protect it from trespassers and all it might run from

like the thief in the night who once left it shattered

Inflated it with bogus dreams and lied that she mattered.

Don’t let that heart grow in the same kind of greenhouse

Don’t let that heart go off alone

where predators choose to roam.

Once you’ve tended it and her treasured worth is found out

Let the one who planted seed remind her just which arms are [her] home.

His definition of love is deeper

And he has driven deep into her depths to find it

Showered in the blessings of the gods

He unearthed a purer form of connection

Unafraid to bare his soul

He exchanged this human form of barely anything

For the heaven’s rush and cupid’s rain

Washing away the skepticism of the times

Leaving him with a clean, open heart with which to drink her in.