What's Changed

You used to ask who I was talking to when it wasn’t you

You once said it would be good if we greeted each other even if we didn’t feel like it

You used to say you had so much love to give and you just wanted someone to give it to

I know you said you were quiet but you didn’t say we would never talk

I know you have a business to run and you have lots of work to do, but am I that insignificant?

I never thought I could be forgotten or ignored by someone who said they love me too much to lose me

You once said you love me too much to let me go

You once said 'Trust has to be earned…' is this how you build it?

You once said we are where I want us to be

You once said that I’m the girl you want to center your world around

You once said I rock your world and that the thought of losing me was a nightmare

You once told me I was perfect for you

In I fell

He consumes my energy in a brief instant…

because truthfully I was fine until I saw him today.

The desire to run away is so great.

The desire to cry is overwhelming.

The despair is indescribable.

Because I am quite sure I don’t matter to him…

as much as I wish it wasn’t so.

The words he wove and draped my very broken soul with were meaningless to him and he has probably traded them for something way easier to handle.

I regret being so complex. I hate being so gullible in a game I lost faith and trust in years ago. But I wanted to believe him. And I wanted to be with the right one this time.

So in I fell and hard I landed.

I am that invisible girl

No one knows who I am

And no one knows what I am capable of.

I show them- I can show them- but no one really sees

Never really sees the value of me.

The true worth of my words

I’m speaking on mute… might as well be, speaking to you.

Any of you.

Slowly erased from conscious living

No longer a useful, conscious being

Because everything I say can fade

There’s nothing noteworthy in the way I behave because it will quickly be erased.

The cacophony around me does nothing for my concussion and

Clearly reminds me that mine is a solo discussion

There I am in that crowded room- hoping of course that I do and don’t bump into you-

Not really expecting much

Content to be the unseen wonder in the room.

My thoughts are loud enough

And yet empty of real substance.

It’s okay for me to sit alone,

I want to be the one in the invisible cloak

Resplendent in myself and yet left to my own devices.

It is in my own company that I have no fears about how to act.

No qualms at all about that

The only time I know what to expect, when it’s only me in my debt.

Not So Young Today

My eyes often burn
My hands shake, but not too much
My back aches and is never settled
The body I once knew is fading away
My hair has long since begun to turn grey
You would think I'm old

Still in my prime and yet so far from what I desire
to be

Vibrant and happy
Fresh and unafraid
Strong and on top of the world.

Listen to me talk...
Watch my labored walk...
I sigh like I've seen and been through it all...
I have loved and lived enough for a hundred lifetimes...
I have learnt lessons and have the scars of all my burns...

If you didnt already know who I am,
You would think I'm old

You Awakened My Fire

Is it wishful thinking?
That what we have won't die?
What we have- or what we had- can't just die...

Can we throw away a passion borne of pure compassion,
fueled in a fashion that many can only imagine?

Our love was borne under our skin
and it crept into our hearts.
When it began to flow within our beings,
we came alive.

I have never met anyone who impacts me the way you did.
Evoking my fire.

Now it'll never die.


Written by YaSaBa

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE... :)

Just to get the ball rolling, I found something I wrote quite a while back... I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find the exact reason I wrote this piece in my memory banks, but I am not up for that :)

There is no song to accompany this one just yet. If anyone reads this and has one in mind, feel free to comment.

“Untitled”

I’ll cover my ears but not to hear you say goodbye

I’ll cover my face but not for you to see me cry

            I could be a soldier but the plane is too loud

            I could be a woman but have I not vowed

I’ll cover my mouth but not to say the words I must

I’ll cover my heart but not to block the final thrust

            I could be a singer but all I want is to kiss

            I could be a woman but I have dreaded this!

I’ll cover my self, cover my soul but not because of who you are

I’ll cover the pain, uncover the joy that we have come this far

            Who would ever thought it, I’d not have bought it

            That you and I would say farewell, tears in my lids may well

But cover up the sorrow. I must to keep it from attack

Cover up the longing just in case I want my baby back

Cover that soulful throaty groan, turn it into laughter

Cover that old fairy tale of Happy Ever After

written 13/08/06 by KaBabyblu

Thank you for reading.