I feel as though you owe me something
And yet I honestly want nothing from you.
I'm clear on what I deserve,
what is possible
You were and are not it.
You make the most sense of everything I've ever experienced
but you left me the most confused
Because you went all out gave it everything
and left me spent and empty.
In the split moment of eternity
you filled me up with all I needed
and that's what I'll take away.
That little piece of nothing was enough.

I Wish These Thoughts on No One

What if you’ve just lost the greatest thing that could have ever happened to you?

Too afraid to make a decision. Too scared to make a commitment. Too unsure of your own feelings that you let everything slip through your fingers… 

That feels like me right now. My hands are shaking and it my mind is racing.

The conversation went downhill so fast… and I knew it was headed there before he even caught on to where we were going. He didn’t mean for it to go that way and I know I didn’t want for it to go there… the feeling of 'uneasy' came in way before he told me anything. And. It. Just. Got. Worse.

He didn’t ask me what I wanted. He didn’t ask me what he could give me. He asked me what I had learnt… I don’t think I gave him the right answer. When is the absolute truth ever the right answer?!

Maybe this is for the best.

Or maybe this is just…

What if you’ve just lost the greatest man that could have ever loved you?

What's Changed

You used to ask who I was talking to when it wasn’t you

You once said it would be good if we greeted each other even if we didn’t feel like it

You used to say you had so much love to give and you just wanted someone to give it to

I know you said you were quiet but you didn’t say we would never talk

I know you have a business to run and you have lots of work to do, but am I that insignificant?

I never thought I could be forgotten or ignored by someone who said they love me too much to lose me

You once said you love me too much to let me go

You once said 'Trust has to be earned…' is this how you build it?

You once said we are where I want us to be

You once said that I’m the girl you want to center your world around

You once said I rock your world and that the thought of losing me was a nightmare

You once told me I was perfect for you

In I fell

He consumes my energy in a brief instant…

because truthfully I was fine until I saw him today.

The desire to run away is so great.

The desire to cry is overwhelming.

The despair is indescribable.

Because I am quite sure I don’t matter to him…

as much as I wish it wasn’t so.

The words he wove and draped my very broken soul with were meaningless to him and he has probably traded them for something way easier to handle.

I regret being so complex. I hate being so gullible in a game I lost faith and trust in years ago. But I wanted to believe him. And I wanted to be with the right one this time.

So in I fell and hard I landed.

Excuse Me Please, Dear Reader

In the coming weeks, I will be posting something that isn't always poetry. That statement is both a warning and an apology. I'm honored to share life with you through the verses I've posted in the past, and now I have considered adding something I might call ramblings.

Feel free to tell me what you think :)

I want to cry over you

I want to mourn the wonders of a love I had so much hope for

I want to miss everything you made me feel

I want to cry over you

But the tears won’t come!

But the tears won’t come!

THE TEARS WON’T COME

Not So Young Today

My eyes often burn
My hands shake, but not too much
My back aches and is never settled
The body I once knew is fading away
My hair has long since begun to turn grey
You would think I'm old

Still in my prime and yet so far from what I desire
to be

Vibrant and happy
Fresh and unafraid
Strong and on top of the world.

Listen to me talk...
Watch my labored walk...
I sigh like I've seen and been through it all...
I have loved and lived enough for a hundred lifetimes...
I have learnt lessons and have the scars of all my burns...

If you didnt already know who I am,
You would think I'm old