I feel as though you owe me something
And yet I honestly want nothing from you.
I'm clear on what I deserve,
what is possible
You were and are not it.
You make the most sense of everything I've ever experienced
but you left me the most confused
Because you went all out gave it everything
and left me spent and empty.
In the split moment of eternity
you filled me up with all I needed
and that's what I'll take away.
That little piece of nothing was enough.

Talking about you still hurts. I can say it calmly, but it makes me start looking for you all over again. You are my inexplicable, my mystery.

I want to cry over you

I want to mourn the wonders of a love I had so much hope for

I want to miss everything you made me feel

I want to cry over you

But the tears won’t come!

But the tears won’t come!

THE TEARS WON’T COME

Not So Young Today

My eyes often burn
My hands shake, but not too much
My back aches and is never settled
The body I once knew is fading away
My hair has long since begun to turn grey
You would think I'm old

Still in my prime and yet so far from what I desire
to be

Vibrant and happy
Fresh and unafraid
Strong and on top of the world.

Listen to me talk...
Watch my labored walk...
I sigh like I've seen and been through it all...
I have loved and lived enough for a hundred lifetimes...
I have learnt lessons and have the scars of all my burns...

If you didnt already know who I am,
You would think I'm old

it’s understandable

I was angry and ready for a fight until he called

Then my heart was again ready for flight, I started to fall

I was a nervous wreck by the end of week

Not sure whether to go down fighting or turn the other cheek

The excitement, I’m told, was all over my face

The emotion called love tends to blot out time and space

So when I saw him and smiled like I did

I let myself just bathe in the joy, back to being a kid

And afterwards when it came time to really talk

He took me down the incredibly difficult road he had to walk

The silence was intermittent and full of such pain

One would rather spend a night sleeping in the rain

You can only forgive and you can’t help but cry

That through his pain, he hardly even tried

Left outside The Circle to your own devices

Would you hold strong against all your friends’ advices?

The pieces are still fragile and yet to be mended

But I’m glad we spoke and made peace and no one pretended.

23-Oct-09

21 Questions

You like the idea of my teeth cracking?

Maybe one or two scraping against my flesh as I swallow them involuntarily?

Does it give you pleasure to see my eyes water when your fist withdraws from my face?

Maybe that imprint the force of the impact leaves upon my skin?

Would you get off faster if I screamed louder now, before I hit my threshold for pain?

I mean, your pleasure, would it peak if you knew how much I was in pain from the get go?

You are laughing even though I'm scratching your flesh off and fighting for my life?

Was I insane to think you were the strong and confident type and beat me because you can't express your emotions?

Well of course, but that doesn’t make it ok, does it?

Are you going to let me walk out the door this time?

Will you watch silently this time as I cram all my belongings into the two suitcases you let me call mine?

Rather than grab my things and burn them before you will let me walk away?

will you step aside and let me get in my car and drive away with my bones intact?

I won't have to spend a night in a new ER will I, you'll allow me reprieve this time?

Are you crazy, do you think I want to stay here another night?

You think it's ok to sleep with whomever you please while I sit back and live in lonely misery?

You think I am going to sit and wait for another life threatening encounter tonight?

Do you know how long I have been thinking of releasing myself from your abusive grasp?

You think I won't fight back when it is all about joy and the air I breathe?

I will battle with every last bead of breath you may draw from me, don't you believe it?

Do you like the flowers they chose with your coffin?

better you than me, I say...

‎10-‎Jan-‎10

Just to get the ball rolling, I found something I wrote quite a while back... I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find the exact reason I wrote this piece in my memory banks, but I am not up for that :)

There is no song to accompany this one just yet. If anyone reads this and has one in mind, feel free to comment.

“Untitled”

I’ll cover my ears but not to hear you say goodbye

I’ll cover my face but not for you to see me cry

            I could be a soldier but the plane is too loud

            I could be a woman but have I not vowed

I’ll cover my mouth but not to say the words I must

I’ll cover my heart but not to block the final thrust

            I could be a singer but all I want is to kiss

            I could be a woman but I have dreaded this!

I’ll cover my self, cover my soul but not because of who you are

I’ll cover the pain, uncover the joy that we have come this far

            Who would ever thought it, I’d not have bought it

            That you and I would say farewell, tears in my lids may well

But cover up the sorrow. I must to keep it from attack

Cover up the longing just in case I want my baby back

Cover that soulful throaty groan, turn it into laughter

Cover that old fairy tale of Happy Ever After

written 13/08/06 by KaBabyblu

Thank you for reading.