Thursday, January 31, 2013

it’s understandable


I was angry and ready for a fight until he called
Then my heart was again ready for flight, I started to fall
I was a nervous wreck by the end of week
Not sure whether to go down fighting or turn the other cheek
The excitement, I’m told, was all over my face
The emotion called love tends to blot out time and space
So when I saw him and smiled like I did
I let myself just bathe in the joy, back to being a kid
And afterwards when it came time to really talk
He took me down the incredibly difficult road he had to walk
The silence was intermittent and full of such pain
One would rather spend a night sleeping in the rain
You can only forgive and you can’t help but cry
That through his pain, he hardly even tried
Left outside The Circle to your own devices
Would you hold strong against all your friends’ advices?
The pieces are still fragile and yet to be mended
But I’m glad we spoke and made peace and no one pretended.

23-Oct-09

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Confusion divides my thoughts
Between what is right
And what I want
No one can help me now
Tell me which way
Or tell me how
Because it’s my heart, my mind
I know where the story starts
And what I was hoping to find

1-Oct-09

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Hosanna on highest
To the Mighty and finest
Who reigns in my ‘dom in eon and age
Great in action and on page
For chronicles have been written
And all hearts should be smitten
For the King is more than just one
A trinity with the Spirit and the Son
Who gave His earthly life
In painful sacrifice
As at the time He was an equal
And not Himself on high… regal

And bow on knee, bended thus
Give all praise, it is a must
For you and me:
We wouldn’t be
If not for Him
All things perfect… all is He.

26-Sept-09

Monday, January 28, 2013


How can a touch drive someone mad?
Weak in the head but strong in the mind…
I know what I want and I know what I must find
In the man of my dreams
Quick to make me laugh and of quality: supreme

How can your heart not break?
Working with the folks I do…
Each is much more broken than you
And yet they smile and sing and jump for the gifts you bring

How can she live with so many men around her?
He’d have to be strong, the one she found her
For a lesser mortal couldn’t do it…
Wouldn’t be able to find where he fit…

She just wants to be happy then?
Yes, surrounded by loved ones and friends
Able to give joy where she finds sorrow
Able to offer a plan for tomorrow

She has a lot of names
And often gets caught in endless games
But her head’s screwed on right
And she knows when to fight
And when to let it go
When to cry
And when not to let her feelings show…

15-Sept-09

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Living in our Babylon


We cannot exist together speaking two different languages
The pastor even said so
We cannot go on living as we do if I cannot understand you

You can’t read the language of my heart
And I can’t read from a distance so far apart.
You don’t hear the words of a scared woman
And I don’t hear, won’t hear the doubts if you don’t open your mouth to speak.

What path have you taken
And can it be mine?
You are all alone there and seem to be fine
And it worries me to notice

The pastor said understanding is a result of speech
So just how much silence will you keep
Before I give in and walk on by?
Before the tears begin to cry
Tell me something, tell me why?
We keep waiting and waiting for more words from me
Although I love you comes easily
Where is the proof that it’s not just words?
Simple to man
Like flying is to birds.

Talk to me now, to keep the peace
Saying anything at all to put me at ease.

14-Sept-09

Saturday, January 26, 2013

21 Questions



You like the idea of my teeth cracking?
Maybe one or two scraping against my flesh as I swallow them involuntarily?
Does it give you pleasure to see my eyes water when your fist withdraws from my face?
Maybe that imprint the force of the impact leaves upon my skin?
Would you get off faster if I screamed louder now, before I hit my threshold for pain?
I mean, your pleasure, would it peak if you knew how much I was in pain from the get go?
You are laughing even though I'm scratching your flesh off and fighting for my life?
Was I insane to think you were the strong and confident type and beat me because you can't express your emotions?
Well of course, but that doesn’t make it ok, does it?
Are you going to let me walk out the door this time?
Will you watch silently this time as I cram all my belongings into the two suitcases you let me call mine?
Rather than grab my things and burn them before you will let me walk away?
will you step aside and let me get in my car and drive away with my bones intact?
I won't have to spend a night in a new ER will I, you'll allow me reprieve this time?
Are you crazy, do you think I want to stay here another night?
You think it's ok to sleep with whomever you please while I sit back and live in lonely misery?
You think I am going to sit and wait for another life threatening encounter tonight?
Do you know how long I have been thinking of releasing myself from your abusive grasp?
You think I won't fight back when it is all about joy and the air I breathe?
I will battle with every last bead of breath you may draw from me, don't you believe it?
Do you like the flowers they chose with your coffin?
better you than me, I say...

‎10-‎Jan-‎10

Friday, January 25, 2013


Song: I haven’t seen my child in years… baby, baby come home.
Poem: across the seas of fish and whales
May drown out the echo of my wails
But Daddy’s little girl is growing
And daddy knows… oh he is aware
He just can’t be there

S: My heart is calling, calling, calling.
Baby, baby, come home.
P: a refugee in a foreign land
Three little girls and one grown man
In 1989, no one thought it would be just fine
And if they had…
Wouldn’t have known that it could be so bad

S: Blood, tears, rage and pain.
Dreams washed into… into the drain.
P: Daddy’s feelings rain over me in this morbid weather
She speaks aloud of love and influence
Not knowing how the cloth of my being is rent…
Torn between speaking now and deciding that they don’t know how
How being the only one is not always a gift

I have a story… you’re right, I do
But I can’t tell it when my soul’s in two
Could you?
How could you?
I am… one day you’ll see Baby Blue.

11-Dec-09

Song: I haven’t seen my child in years… baby, baby come home.
Poem: across the seas of fish and whales
May drown out the echo of my wails
But Daddy’s little girl is growing
And daddy knows… oh he is aware
He just can’t be there

S: My heart is calling, calling, calling.
Baby, baby, come home.
P: a refugee in a foreign land
Three little girls and one grown man
In 1989, no one thought it would be just fine
And if they had…
Wouldn’t have known that it could be so bad

S: Blood, tears, rage and pain.
Dreams washed into… into the drain.
P: Daddy’s feelings rain over me in this morbid weather
She speaks aloud of love and influence
Not knowing how the cloth of my being is rent…
Torn between speaking now and deciding that they don’t know how
How being the only one is not always a gift

I have a story… you’re right, I do
But I can’t tell it when my soul’s in two
Could you?
How could you?
I am… one day you’ll see Baby Blue.

11-Dec-09

Thursday, January 24, 2013

“Unhappy Housewife: It’s all in my head”


I ripped your throat out as I smiled over the roast chicken last night.
It started as a cold word and then you slapped me
Then I lay there, still on the ground until you decided to pour your soup in my hair
And it made me so mad I stood up and slapped you back, with a shaking, angry hand.
Of course this made you more outraged still and my head slammed against the cupboard
Scratching and besides myself, I screamed that you couldn’t feed yourself without me, you ungrateful pig
You punched me twice in the stomach and said the money came from you… we all know that
You kicked me with your expensive boots from Australia, cracked my teeth.
Then you knelt before me and said my food was not good enough for swine.
So to save you the grief of having to digest it, I ripped your goddamn throat out.
Then I served the rest of the family and the meal went well.

I kissed you silly and thanked you for the gift you got me for my birthday, this morning.
I found it in my closet, next to last year’s shoes.
With a neat perfunctory bow, straight from a department store gift section, they sat there waiting.
I tried them on for size and they were 2 sizes too big but no worries, love. They’re beautiful.
Then I ran to the bathroom to sneak into the shower with you, extra gratitude
Needless, though, you were already done. Not there.
So I sped down the stairs, hoping to find you in the breakfast nook with your coffee.
You were already done there too, though. Dishes in the sink.
So I rushed to the garage, in order to catch you before you drove out to work.
Your car wasn’t parked there… hadn’t even closed the garage door on your way out.
I found a note in the kitchen when I returned. Two week trip out of town. Hope I liked the shoes.
That is when I realized you forgot the birthday and the shoes were an apology for another departure.
But I won’t relay that to the girls at the salon.
You’re out of town now and I will miss you…
This morning, I kissed you silly and enjoyed that shower and meal for two.

I moaned aloud as you bit into my skin and handled my body like fillet from the butchery.
Closing my eyes I imagined each sharp nip was a gentle nibble, along the inner parts of my thigh.
Your hands groping blindly on my breasts became the caress of a skilled and caring man, kindling fires of passion
Each time you pulled my hair, it turned into a playful tug, making my scalp tingle
You put me first and every move you made was for my benefit so that I could reach that place
Just like the first time we made love… it is only getting better with time.
You listen when I ask you to adjust and try something new, you never get mad.
Ha… It never hurts, I never have a single complaint because in my head you made sweet, sweet love to me
I moan out loud because in my mind you are the perfect, attentive lover.

[But it is all in my mind and the two images of you will never reconcile, merge or compare.]

22-Dec-09

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

You Awakened My Fire

Is it wishful thinking?
That what we have won't die?
What we have- or what we had- can't just die...

Can we throw away a passion borne of pure compassion,
fueled in a fashion that many can only imagine?

Our love was borne under our skin
and it crept into our hearts.
When it began to flow within our beings,
we came alive.

I have never met anyone who impacts me the way you did.
Evoking my fire.

Now it'll never die.


Written by YaSaBa

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE... :)